When someone first suggested I try breathwork as a parent, I nearly laughed. I had a screaming toddler on my hip, hadn’t slept properly in four months, and sitting cross-legged in a quiet room felt like being told to holiday on Mars.

But breathing exercises don’t need to look like that. The most effective techniques take five minutes or less. You can do them in the car at pickup, in the bathroom (we’ve all hidden there), or waiting for the kettle to boil.

Why Breathing Actually Works

This isn’t woo. When you’re stressed, your sympathetic nervous system kicks into gear. Heart rate up, breathing shallow, cortisol flooding. It’s the fight-or-flight response, designed for predators, not for negotiating with a four-year-old about wearing gumboots to a wedding.

Controlled breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system — the “rest and digest” side. Research in Frontiers in Human Neuroscience found that slow, diaphragmatic breathing significantly reduces cortisol and increases heart rate variability. A 2023 Stanford study showed that five minutes of structured breathing was more effective at reducing anxiety than five minutes of meditation.

The Four Techniques Worth Knowing

I’ve tried dozens. These are the four I keep coming back to because they actually work in real-life parenting situations.

1. Physiological Sigh (2 minutes)

Two quick inhales through the nose (the second tops up whatever space is left in your lungs), then one long, slow exhale through the mouth. Repeat five to ten times.

I do this one in the car after drop-off. The double inhale inflates the alveoli in your lungs, and the extended exhale triggers a rapid shift toward calm by stimulating the vagus nerve.

2. Box Breathing (4 minutes)

Inhale for four counts. Hold for four counts. Exhale for four counts. Hold for four counts. Repeat.

Used by the military and emergency services, which tells you something about its effectiveness under pressure. The structure gives your brain a focal point when it’s racing through lunch boxes, overdue bills, and forgotten RSVPs.

I use this when I can feel myself about to snap — usually around 5:30pm, the witching hour.

3. Extended Exhale Breathing (3 minutes)

Inhale for four counts. Exhale for six to eight counts. No holding.

The key here is making the exhale longer than the inhale. Your heart rate naturally slows during exhalation — that’s not a metaphor, it’s physiology. By extending the exhale, you’re physically slowing your heart rate and signalling safety to your nervous system.

This is my bedtime one. When I’m lying next to a child who won’t sleep and I can feel my patience thinning to a single thread, extending my exhale keeps me from counting down the minutes until I can escape to the couch.

4. 4-7-8 Breathing (3 minutes)

Inhale for four counts. Hold for seven. Exhale for eight. Developed by Dr Andrew Weil, and popular in clinical anxiety treatment.

The long hold and slow exhale combination is deeply calming. It’s almost too effective to use during the day — I’ve genuinely made myself drowsy doing it at 2pm. But if you’re a parent who lies awake at night with your brain cycling through worst-case scenarios, this one is gold.

When to Actually Do Them

The biggest barrier isn’t knowing the techniques. It’s finding the moment. So here’s my practical cheat sheet:

Morning rush: Physiological sigh while the kettle boils. Takes 90 seconds. Nobody even notices.

School pickup line: Box breathing while you wait in the car. Set a timer for three minutes. It resets you before the chaos of after-school negotiations begins.

Bedtime routine: Extended exhale breathing while lying next to your kid. They might even fall asleep faster because they’ll unconsciously match your slower breathing. (This actually works — co-regulation is real.)

Middle of the night wake-up: 4-7-8 breathing. When the baby finally goes back down and your adrenaline is still pumping, this brings you back to a sleep-ready state faster than scrolling your phone ever will.

What About the Kids?

Kids can learn these too. My five-year-old does box breathing — we call it “square breathing” and she traces a square on her knee. Research shows children as young as four benefit from structured breathing for emotional regulation. Teaching your kids to breathe through big feelings gives them a tool for life.

The Honest Truth

Breathing exercises aren’t going to fix a broken system. If you’re a single parent working two jobs with no support network, five minutes of box breathing won’t solve the structural problem. I don’t want to pretend individual tools are a substitute for community support, affordable childcare, and workplace flexibility.

But within the constraints of your actual life — the messy, loud, beautiful chaos of raising small humans in Australia — these five-minute practices can genuinely shift your nervous system out of survival mode and into something that feels more like living.

You don’t need a meditation cushion. You just need your lungs and a few minutes.

Jess Morley is a Brisbane-based wellness writer and yoga instructor. She writes about evidence-based wellbeing at SoulShine.